I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
