we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's a Shit stain on my heart
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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