margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
