I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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