Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
