At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
