wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
