Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
