it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Everything about him screamed your future.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
