Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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