So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
