normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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