I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Randomize
