I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
