Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why do cheetos always look like penises
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
