honey bunches of taint.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
