my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
