Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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