What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
