I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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