The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
