I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
