haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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