My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
