You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
