im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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