Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
where am i from again
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
