Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
