wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
