You really coming over, don't trick.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
