So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
