he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
