I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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