How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
