so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
