No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
