FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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