I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We are all done wearing pants today
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
