Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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