Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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