Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
