Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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