with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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