Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
