If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
