I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
