There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i believe in u and ur pee
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
