I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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