We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
