moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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