she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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