Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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