Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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