omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Barsexuality is the new black.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
