i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
