I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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