Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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