First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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