So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
