I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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